I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
