dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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