I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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