This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
