Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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