You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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