well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
