My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
