:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I could make wine with my vomit
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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