I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
