I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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