My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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