in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
