he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
that may or may not have been my penis.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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