Don't make out with my wife yet
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
