He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
