He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
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