i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
