Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
