I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
