Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I am available for nakedness
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
