Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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