i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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