Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
