worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
