anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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