Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
