Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I DEMAND FORESKIN
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
