so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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