yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The best revenge is premature balding
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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