Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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