My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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