do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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