no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
