I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
