I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The dick lei will go down in squad history
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
