Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
