standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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