her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
