can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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