No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
