The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
