4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
