it was like his penis was on wheels.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
