So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
