I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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