You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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