I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
