I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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