You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Be still, my beating vagina.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
